And I ask myself Why
by Hagane
Summary: [one-shot] a short angsty piece on one of my most favourite pairings- MitSen.


And I ask myself why 

Disclaimer: yare yare desu ne~~~~ if the boys belonged to me they probably wouldn't be on the shelf now would they? 

Rating: PG 13

Pairing: MitSen ^^\/

Author's note: It's a MitSen! Hurrah! XP~~~~~ 

Why? Why is it I can't stop thinking of you? 

The music plays in the background, but I hear it not.

Why do your eyes captivate me so? 

The conversations all fade to a distant murmur. 

Your every movement entrances me, why so? 

The couples dancing on the floor are but obstructive shadows in my sight. 

_You do nothing yet you are everything that goes on._

The familiar tilt of your head as you laugh at your companion's jest is but a small movement in the hall.

Why does the world seem to revolve around you? 

Many figures surround you.

Why does the world love you so? 

You bask in their attention.

_You're the center of which everything seems to orbit._

I see not their faces, nor acknowledge their presence.

_You cast your shining light every step you take, wherever you go._

The part of the hall where you are is where everything is.

_Everyone loves you so._

More people surround you now. I see not their faces still.

Are you receptive of their love? 

You welcome them with your charming smile.

Are you aware of how I feel? 

They blend into the background as they are welcomed.

Can you not sense these thunderous emotions that plague my soul? 

Such uncanny ability to please, you possess.

Do you know how I feel? 

The melody changes yet it matters not to me.

_You make no mistakes, even so, you're always pardoned._

Your nature demands love.

_You're everyone's hope. Everyone's dream._

Your tall stature stands out but it is your face that so mesmerizes.

_You're that thread that bonds people together. _

Can I touch that face?

_You hold them close._

Can I intrude in on your company?

_You keep them tied._

You will welcome me with a smile, but that is not what I want. 

And what of me? 

I want much more.

_Surely I am but a distant observer, looking in on your world._

I want your special smile. 

_An outsider perhaps? Infringing on your territory._

I will myself to join you, but my body rejects my command.

Was I meant to watch from a length? 

Among the shadows I stand, alone. No words have I spoken this evening.

_If this is so, then I shall hurt always, and never heal._

My companions sense something amiss and have sense not to pry.

_The night grows older and time ages._

This evening we have, our congregation, should be jolly. We are feasting and toasting our successes are we not?

Was it not said that we grow wiser with time? 

Congratulating each other, and encouraging. 

_Yet I feel more foolish with every moment._

Everyone is here. Everyone that matters.

_You make me feel so._

I see Kainan. Shoyo. 

Why? 

I see your team and mine.

Why? 

No one misses me as I stand apart. 

You don't care so why do I? 

You turn your head and catch my eye.

Why do you smile all the time? 

That smile spreads over your features. I have been disillusioned yet again.

_Your eyes see me, yet they see nothing. You are blind, for you cannot see. _

Your smile falters as I reply not your friendliness. 

_Then I shall not let you see me._

You weave through the crowd to stand before me.

_I care not, for you care not._

"Mitsui-san?" Your voice is tentative, hesitant. "What are you doing back here all alone? We miss your company."

_And you say what has to be said. _

"Nothing." I say. Can you not see how my body trembles at your very presence?

_You speak not from your heart. _

"I miss your company." You say, after much silence. I cannot read this. 

_Did you ponder this thought or was it on impulse?_

"That's what they all say." I answer. You look hurt and I am surprised. You are a much better actor than I thought.

"Mitsui-san," you begin, eyes downcast.

What is it that you are thinking? 

I wait for you to continue, but you don't. 

What are you playing at? 

My grip on the glass is so hard I fear it might shatter.

_My feelings are not to be toyed. Be merciful and let me hurt in peace. _

Your body is tense and your breathing, almost controlled.

"What?" I prod, unable to wait. 

_Let's just end this game of nettling._

"Mitsui-san, I……….."

There. 

You're toying with me again. Don't you know how much it hurts? 

You look up suddenly and, gazing levelly at me, I see something unexpected.

What is this turmoil within? 

Your eyes are sorrowful, with hidden depths. 

Like a turbulent storm within oceanic depths. 

"I like you, Mitsui-san." You say finally.

Do you feel what I feel? But I fear you don't.

"Doesn't everyone?" I laugh bitterly.

_Obligation is no excuse for roguishness. _

You breathe in sharply and your eyes flash. Never have I seen you angered.

Or am I mistaken? 

"I need you Mitsui-san. I want you."

Now my eyes widen, and my vice grip on the glass loosens. You catch it before it shatters on the floor, your eyes still on mine. I cannot look away. I cannot run. 

Have I been misleading myself instead? 

Your hand grasps mine tightly and your eyes dare me to challenge you.

Did I just refuse to believe? 

You lead me out of the hall and into a private corner, far away from everything.

Have I been lying to myself all this while? 

You let go of my hand and stare right into my eyes. 

Have you been spinning your web around me as well? 

Your lids lower and you lean toward me. 

Or was I the one casting the spell? 

My eyes close as I feel your warm breath on my face.

Who's the one playing here? 

Your lips brush against mine, ever so lightly.

You? Or me? 

Then you kiss me with a feverish fervor I could not have imagined of you.

Who's the blind one now? 

 Reviews will be GREATLY appreciated! ^^


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